When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
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