I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
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