A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Biology - It grows on you.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
The sun is just a big space heater.