What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
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