Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
To get to the other tide.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
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