Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Air resistance is a real drag.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
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