Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
The superconductor left without resistance.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
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