Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
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