What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
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