Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Air resistance is a real drag.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Ah! The element of surprise.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Go to BabaMail
