If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Biology - It grows on you.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Go to BabaMail
