What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
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