Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
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