I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
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