Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
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