What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
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