What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
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