What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
What do you call an amazing day up a mountain? A peak experience.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
What do Ents wear to the beach?
Sandalwood.
What do they use to get a tan?
Palm oil.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
Are you squiding me right now?
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
Meteorologists.
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green!
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
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