What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
Q: Why is it so windy in England?
A: Because Harry Kane (hurricane) lives there..
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
That rainbow is so neat, it must be professional gradient.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
He was going to sleep in a bucket of ice.
But then he got cold feet.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
Feeling fintastic.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
What do you call a friendly volcano? Lava-ble.
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
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