I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
When the rainbow decided to speak out at the meeting of all weathers, someone said 'Look hue's talking.'
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
The main difference between the weather and a horse is that one rains down while the other is reined up.
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
Tropic like it's hot.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
Rainbows are very uncommon, they are blue and far between.
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
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