What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?
It a-piers we have a problem.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
You'd never get a rainbow in the red of night.
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
What did the husband say when his wife told him he bought the wrong flowers?
"Oopsie daisy!"
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
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