Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
I hate windy weather. It really blows.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
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