Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
Why did the cow go to space?
to get ice cream.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
I tried playing baseball in the fog today.
It was a bit hit and mist.
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
Q: Why was the cloud not allowed to cross the border?
A: Because it was a for-rainer
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
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