Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
Where does the sun hide at night? Just keep looking for it, it'll dawn on you soon!
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
Did you hear about the cows struck by lightning?
They were completely cattletonic!
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Rivers are...
the original streaming service.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
Why don't people ever talk about the fear of roses? Because it's a thorny issue!
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
What did the retired pirate say when he went to the beach?
Long time no sea.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
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