How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
What do you call an amazing day up a mountain? A peak experience.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
It’s raining cats and dogs outside.
I think I just stepped in a poodle.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
You can’t predict wind speeds with certainty. The best you can do is make a gust-imate.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Tropic like it's hot.
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
Feeling fintastic.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
I hate windy weather. It really blows.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
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