Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.
Beach you to it.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
That crazy little sun of a beach.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
There are so many puppies and kitties around the neighbourhood. Perhaps it is because it has been raining cats and dogs for hours.
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
I’ve never understood fog machines.
They mystify me to this day.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
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