What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
Seas the day.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Why should anyone experiment with thin ice?
It’s the best way to achieve a major breakthrough.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
What do you call a weather man that destroys dinosaurs?
A meteorologist
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker
Go to BabaMail
