What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
"Hey! You stole my thunder."
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
My wife was watching me do some DIY and she said I hammer like lightning.
I never strike in the same place twice.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
The river fish went to the library and asked if he can get a book. The librarian said: "You can start by-rowing it."
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
What did the husband say when his wife told him he bought the wrong flowers?
"Oopsie daisy!"
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
Girls just wanna have sun.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
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