My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
Shocka Khan.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
Are you squiding me right now?
Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
What did the husband say when his wife told him he bought the wrong flowers?
"Oopsie daisy!"
Why should anyone experiment with thin ice?
It’s the best way to achieve a major breakthrough.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
What's a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
Hail!
Solving problems in the mountains is easy. It really Alps to clear your head.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
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