R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
You'd never get a rainbow in the red of night.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
Q: Why did the wind turbine blush?
A. It broke wind.
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
Where does the sun hide at night? Just keep looking for it, it'll dawn on you soon!
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
Went camping last night. It was in-tents.
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
There are so many puppies and kitties around the neighbourhood. Perhaps it is because it has been raining cats and dogs for hours.
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
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