What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
What is a tornado's favorite Elton John song? Candle in the Wind!
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
Pennies and quarters rain from the sky
"Wow!" I say. "It's climate change!"
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
You'd never get a rainbow in the red of night.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
Why are mountains always sleepy? Because they n-Everest.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
The lake did not like the river because it felt that the river was not very lake-able.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
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