The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What is the most depressed river in Southern Europe? The Crimea River.
What do you call a friendly volcano? Lava-ble.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
Rivers are...
the original streaming service.
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
I was hiking yesterday, when I suddenly ran in to a cougar....
Almost made me puma pants!
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.
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