The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
Why are mountains always sleepy? Because they n-Everest.
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
Girls just wanna have sun.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty!
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
What do Ents wear to the beach?
Sandalwood.
What do they use to get a tan?
Palm oil.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
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