My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What is fire to a pyromaniac?
Just a warm-up.
Shell yeah.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
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