Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty!
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
Very put out, indeed!
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
My fire tonight...
Was lit!
Why do dwarves live in mountains?
They dig it.
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
The river fish went to the library and asked if he can get a book. The librarian said: "You can start by-rowing it."
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
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