What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
I enjoy throwing coins in the river and watching them. I like studying my cash flow.
What is the most favourite drink of a cow? Mountain Moo.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
I can sea clearly now.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What did the retired pirate say when he went to the beach?
Long time no sea.
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
He was going to sleep in a bucket of ice.
But then he got cold feet.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
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