How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
I was at the beach and saw this guy in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Rainbows are very uncommon, they are blue and far between.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?
His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
When the husband of the queen gets back to his palace after climbing the mountain, the queen says "Hi, King!"
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
What do you call a friendly volcano? Lava-ble.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.
Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
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