My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
What should you do if it starts raining cats and dogs?
Please seek shelters.
Never forget how beautiful the mountains are. You don't want to take them for granite.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Pennies and quarters rain from the sky
"Wow!" I say. "It's climate change!"
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
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