What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
Why are mountains always sleepy? Because they n-Everest.
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
There are so many puppies and kitties around the neighbourhood. Perhaps it is because it has been raining cats and dogs for hours.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
Why did the River go to the doctor? Her flow wouldn't stop.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What do you call a weather man that destroys dinosaurs?
A meteorologist
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
When the rainbow decided to speak out at the meeting of all weathers, someone said 'Look hue's talking.'
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
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