What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
What do witches in Australia ride?
Broomerangs.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
- Looks like you are running a femur.
The ghoul didn't get his letter on time because it got lost at the ghost office.
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
Why did the ad agency hire a hydra?
She knew how to wear many different hats.
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
What do hydras fear the most?
Dehydration!
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
What do troll mathematicians like to solve?
Parabolems?
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.
When a big giant eel takes your hand for a meal...
...that’s a moray.
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
Why do werewolves do well at school?
Because every time they’re asked a question, they come up with a snappy answer!
Have you heard about the Italian Bigfoot?
The spag-yeti.
How does Bigfoot clear his sinuses?
With a yeti pot.
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
What do witches' cats like to have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
Why wouldn’t the ghost eat liver? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
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