Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
Someone who does not become a witch until they're old is a late broomer.
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
Poetry in Potion.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
What would you call a singer who's really scared of medusa?
A rockstar.
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
What kind of tests are witches given in school?
Hex-aminations.
What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with an ice cube?
You end up with frost bite.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Have you heard about a man who became a werewolf?
He was distressed at first, but then he took a lycan to it.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a person who makes pots?
Harry Potter
Why are Ghosts in such good shape? Plenty of exorcise and a good die-t.
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
It's all over town!
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
I know an old man who's a vampire. He's quite long in the tooth.
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
He just follows the big footpath!
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
My wife and my friends are sick of my puns about The Abominable Snowman.
Yeti keep cracking them.
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
Which musical group did Frankenstein not like at all?
The Village People.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
What do you call it when Dr. Frankenstein makes tea?
A monstrositea.
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
Vampires are too easy to play jokes on. Suckers.
What did the Japanese skeleton put in his sushi?
Bone-ito flakes.
When the ghost watched a sad movie he started boo-hooing.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
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