Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
My wife and my friends are sick of my puns about The Abominable Snowman.
Yeti keep cracking them.
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal-sized clippers?
Shear size.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire for too long?
He became bone dry.
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
What do you do when a ton of ghosts show up at your house? Hope that it’s Halloween!
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
What’s a skeleton’s next favorite rock band?
Bone Jovi.
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
Why did the skeleton have a broken heart?
His Boney lay over the ocean.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
- Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
Why do werewolves do well at school?
Because every time they’re asked a question, they come up with a snappy answer!
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
What time does the Wicked Witch have her clocks set to?
Greenwitch Mean Time.
What did the lost witch ask the wizard?
- Witch way to the Halloween party?
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
How do you get rid of a witch’s hex?
Draw a hex-a-gone.
Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!
How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
He just follows the big footpath!
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
Why did king Minos put Minotaur inside a labyrinth?
He wanted to amaze his wife.
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
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