My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
I have a heart-on for you.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
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