I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
You’re my heartthrob.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.