Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.