What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
You’re my heartthrob.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
I have a heart-on for you.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
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