My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
You’re my heartthrob.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
I have a heart-on for you.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
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