What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I have a heart-on for you.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.