I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
I have a heart-on for you.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
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