Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
You’re my heartthrob.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
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