You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
You’re my heartthrob.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I have a heart-on for you.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
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