My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
You’re my heartthrob.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
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