A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
You’re my heartthrob.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
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