I lub dub you with all my heart.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.