My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
I saw a cow on fire ther dayand so I put it out.
Guess you could call it a rare experience.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
What do you call a ghoul who sits too close to the fire?
A toasty ghosty.
What is fire to a pyromaniac?
Just a warm-up.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
My fire tonight...
Was lit!
My boss has just fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
Oh well!! That's the end of my Korea.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
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