Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
The sun is just a big space heater.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
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