Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
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