Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.