What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.