I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
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