The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
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