What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
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