Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
The sun is just a big space heater.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
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