Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
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