I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
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