I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
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