Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
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