Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
The sun is just a big space heater.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
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