What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Go to BabaMail
