What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.