How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
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