Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
"Some people have no guts."
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
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