I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
"Some people have no guts."
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
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