what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
"Some people have no guts."
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
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