What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
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