I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
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