I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
I have a heart-on for you.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
"Bugs and hisses."
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
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