Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
"Let's have some skele-fun."
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
"Dying to have fun."
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
You’re my heartthrob.
Go to BabaMail
