I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
"Dying to have fun."
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
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