When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
I have a heart-on for you.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
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