I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
"Lazy bones."
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
Go to BabaMail
