How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
"Lazy bones."
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