Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
"Dying to have fun."
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
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